i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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