I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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