Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
