We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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