You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
