While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
