i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize