That reminds me...we need to get swords
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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