god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
