did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
