I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
