When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So squirting runs in the family.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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