i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
