He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
