she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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