Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
