well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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