Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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