i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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