Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
