So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
