Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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