i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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