that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
