Walk of Shame. In a state park.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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