please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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