I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
