I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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