You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
