If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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