She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
