you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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