these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
