This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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