If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
