he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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