You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
