i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
