After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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