We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
