i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
