We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
