I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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