I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
