I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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