Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
