You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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