I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
