i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He felt like a one man threesome
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
