Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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