I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
