I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
