found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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