Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
