If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
