gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
