And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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