Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
