i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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