I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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