just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
