I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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