when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
