WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
420 ftw
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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