i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
