i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Randomize
