if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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