you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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