found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You've changed since you got that strap on
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
