My girlfriend figured out who you are.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
