I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize