I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
